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Saturday, February 10th, 2007
12:26 am - fuck man
it drives me crazy that i've actually hit the, "god i fucking hate you," point.

current mood: sad

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Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
2:41 am - holy cow
well.....two hours of word vomit into the good ol' screenwriter program and i think i actually have a tangible idea for what my thesis film could be about. it is a really fucking huge idea. i mean really huge. it all came out of an idea for a sonsg that i also just got tonight. because i keep joking that i want my thesis film to be a rock opera, my mind jumped to see if i could throw a story on top of how i wanted the song to be structed. i have no clue whatsoever if i will be able to read it tomorrow, or if i will be able to see straight in 4 minutes if i keep looking at this screen but i need to get some sleep now. i feel so awesome and inspired now:) this is a rediculously good feeling.

current mood: exhausted

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Tuesday, January 9th, 2007
12:59 am - by the end of this entry i will be fucked up....
So ya, tonight is my night to be stupid dramatic. Tonight is the night I found out my ex-girlfriend has a new boyfriend that she just spent the weekend with in San Diego. And don't get scared, I'm just getting stoned. Kinda funny to have that thought, in two days, January 11th that is, I will be four years without the alcohol. You know, I still do not miss it one bit at all. I like not having a bar bill, and I like being able to drive safely home (some of you know why i prefer that one) and i like remembering every night that i am out.

So ya, now I have a really strong reason to not think about her again. so bizarre to have missed her so much while i was home. i mean shit, it has been almost 4 months now. it was just so nice being home. so many places that just calm and center me, and i just kept wishing she was there with me. i ran around taking pictures and thought she would have really enjoyed where i would have taken her. i got them developed and thought about how impressed she would be. i honestly think they are amazing. or at least a good portion of the 12 rolls i shot are.

i am now really glad that i didn't go to her documentary screening. they worked on one together. but they've been really close friends since we all got here. she always refered to him as her younger brother. i always saw in his eyes that he really liked her. she asked me if i was jealous of him near the end of our relationship because of how much time they had to spend together. i was too head over heals to think i had anything to worry about. he will be good for her. he is a really nice and kind hearted guy. he is a little to stupid-goofy humor for me sometimes but overall a good guy. and he will be really good to her. (here is where i pretend to be a lot stronger than i am) I mean after all, all I did want for her was to be happy and safe. honestly ya.

it is kind of weird though, i mean i am still me so i cried a bit on the drive home from the bar (it was my friend's birthday, speaking of which mine is in just over two weeks, the 26th), and i am still upset and almost still just shocked about who it is. but it is almost like part of me is saying, "Well fuck.....who is next I guess? not like shit can be done now." it has been creeping up on me and grew a lot a couple hours ago. i mean, it's not like me telling her about how much i still think about her on my birthday while in a bowling alley in a really grand fashion would have won her over if she came out and i had the chance. you know, not like i'd made that scenario up in my perfect world imagination. wow, i am such a terrible hopeless romantic. ".....and then she kisses me and i grab her pulling her in tight....." see? total homo! oh ya, mark your calenders if you can make it. should be fun. and i won't be inviting her or kwok. i'd like my head clear and me genuinely smiling and enjoying myself and seeing them won't help at all. eh, what the fuck can be done now ya know?

so ya, who is next?

"you bring the drinks, i'll bring the fuck you's." - owen

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Friday, January 5th, 2007
9:03 pm - my christmas break
aaron krueger, katie klein, mrs. klein (katie's mom drunk and she kissed me like 5 times. RIGHT ON THE LIPS!), skippy, lauren brick, mike and beth connor, keith "penguin walk" babaisz, brian and emily bawol, brian and crystal deleon (she is pregnant!), mrs. spitsbergen, Katie (skippy's -ex), adam wright, chris , jon filak, mike healy, matt healy (while very drunk he told me to call him when i'm horny. why do the gay men from farmington like me?), mike dolhaufer, brad and kerry dolhaufer, robbie and erin shawn, sam walton, kevin and libby and mark from "you should be melting" (the last band i played in at MSU), erin and eric and maggie (our groupies), scott and lindsey miller (best cousins ever!), the parka kings, cecil robert gingerich, jeanne schueller (is it weird i talk to an old boss from 3 years ago still?), rick copen, alison (SHE IS AN EX-SUICIDE GIRL!!!), john weins, justin bilicki, dave graw, steve schweik.

i saw all those people while i was home. a friend of mine said you never really go on vacation when you just go home. i agree. you just run around like a chicken with no head. and now i miss them. also, I NEVER ONCE SAW SNOW ON THE GROUND!!!!

chicago for new years was fucking awesome.

bought my first new pair of ear rings in like 4 years!

saw the annie leibovitz exhibit at the DIA. it was awesome. still open for two more days and well worth the 10 bucks.

current mood: lonely

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Tuesday, November 21st, 2006
1:06 am - ....in other news
i'm still such a fucking mess about this girl. i correctly guessed her birthday on my first guess i found out, and then she told me it was wrong and i believed her. i tried to give her, her present the night before but didn't end up getting it to her until two days after. not that i knew it was that day anyways. she called me and thanked me again and again and told me how sweet i was after she found the gift. later that day she gives me a thank you card with a really nice note in it. in what she wrote she said my genuine kindness made her cry. and also that she isn't sure she really deserves it. she also took the gift i gave her, paint and paint brushes, and painted a picture of my cat and i on the inside of the card. when i saw and looked at that i cried. that was a week ago now. no real contact with her since except to talk about our class project. seriously though, i am crying now, one month after the fact, more than i was then. it is really draining how much i miss her.

also, ten hours of editing work that i did this weekend got lost. everyone who knows everything about this program and the computers i was working on was completely stumped. i had a good amount still to do. so my dialogue mix is tomorrow and i've already been working for 7 hours and i'm almost caught up to where i was before. and then i will still have a good amount to do. i TA a class tomorrow morning at 8am. i'm honestly thinking of just sleeping on the couch in the TA lounge. Hopefully someone will find me and wake me in the morning. this would also probably go a lot faster if i could stop crying.

i am so tired and upset right now. i need about the biggest 10 minute long hug a guy could get right now for starters. and of course my mind goes to her. and she does owe me a big hug because she got one from me since she ended it. i held her really tight and rubbed her back for about a minute. she burrowed into me and literally said, "this is always so comforting" with her eyes closed. i honestly don't think i'd get anything close to that right now from her. that is really upsetting to me. she has been able to do it before, but right now with the rest of the stuff in my head i'd just be suspicious and it would do no good for me.

this is the fucking circle that i am running right now. lovely huh?

current mood: numb

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Monday, October 23rd, 2006
1:43 am - it has been a week now. and...
i miss you. i hope you keep your sanity during this crazy semester as I'm trying to. mainly though, i just miss you.


i saw an amazing group on Thursday night called "damien jurado." such beautiful music, and fortunately/unfortunately the tone fits the moods i've been in lately. i really love this guy's playing and vocal style. so somber and sad. here are my favorite lyrics thus far:

"in a landslide, i can hear you. hear you walk away."

current mood: sad

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Friday, June 9th, 2006
3:41 am - so i thought i'd mention
i'm dating a fabulous chick.

current mood: content

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Friday, May 26th, 2006
12:50 am - wow!
i got an 'A' in my screenwriting class for god knows what reason, though she did really like my humor. and i got an 'A-" in my production class. we have both been encouraged to send out films out to festivals by our professors so i'm very excited at the thought that some people may see it. i mean, it's not the best thing ever, but i am very proud of my work.

current mood: tired

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Thursday, May 25th, 2006
12:19 am - i'm alive
just thought i'd let the people who still update and read these things know. i'm working for the sound department all summer and taking a few classes that seem pretty awesome. i'm also recording a couple songs that a friend of mine wrote with him. his name is john norwood if you feel like hearing his older stuff on myspace. those songs are from an open mic night that he played so this is his first time trying to really record everything all seperately. he's good i think and i like his sense of humor. he writes really simple but really pretty songs.

current mood: amused

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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
10:33 pm - IT HAS LANDED!!!!
Earlier tonight my partner Jonathan Bernbaum and I got picture locked for my first film called, "Kittens and Beer Bongs." Craziness.....I'm really in film school huh?

now all i have to do is write the music and do the audio mixing. tonight i start on the music....i have two weeks.....that is forever in my eyes.


OH YA!!!

Do you live in the LA area? Do you like movies? Do you want to see mine premier on the big screen in Norris Theatre on campus? Well then come out here on March 10th (thats a friday) and from 5:00-6:30pm if you come out to USC's campus you can see my film. Thats right, you can see my film shown on the huge big screen. I'm pissing myself with anticipation.

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Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
2:06 am - hip hip
hooray!! it would appear as though i may have a job very soon. after getting fed up with waiting for the woman who runs the sound department here i wrote a letter (basically copied out of the e-mail) and taped it to the outside of her door and also to the outside of Tom Holman's (the guy who invented THX sound) door. today i got e-mails from both of them saying they would really like to talk to me about a position of some sort this coming monday! i kick ass! this could mean i could start getting part of my school paid for which would be fucking awesome! i like money....and i have none.....so this makes me happy.

i wish i wasn't the chacters that i write about.

current mood: complacent

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Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
1:33 am - so how scary is this?
in under 24 hours i will be 25 years old. i've been looking at things lately sometimes consciously in new ways. i keep thinking in my head, fucking christ man you are almost a quarter or a century old. you are what you've always considered to basically be an adult and completely self sufficient, possibly married or something. last time i talked to my mom she started talking about how old i've gotten, and that at my age she had already been married two years......ya i told her not to hold her breath on that one. i just have this weird feeling through my body like i'm actually getting conscious of how old i am....those same concepts as what i had thought earlier.

this semester has started off fucking crazy. i seriously hit the ground sprinting since i got back here. this semester in my production class we are shooting two 16mm Color no sync sound movies. one of them i write/direct and do sound design while my partner (we are in groups of two) is director of photography and post production and then at the half-way point my film is done and we start his and switch our roles. oddly enough i wrote a romantic comedy i joking called, though now it seems to be permanent, "Kitten and Beer Bongs." The problem is you see, there neither kittens or beer bongs in my film. ok nighty night i'm tired. lots and lots of work to do tomorrow.

ps-god this is an amazing album. ahhh, the classics.

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Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
10:26 pm - hey ya'll
i need to apologize about the absolute lack of posts but things have gotten back to being crazy after 3 days of classes...jesus i don't even remember so i'll probably sigh when i post this and look at it. anyways, here are 3 cool things that are going on for me right now:

1. i start to shoot on film in a couple of weeks. or rather my 508 class partner starts shooting the script that i am writing and reworking in a little bit and i think we found our female lead which makes me very happy.
2. I got a kitten! well, she kind of found me or something. i went outside for a smoke and to make a phone call on my cell and hopefully see the cute girls who live across the street who were outside earlier in the day and when i got done with the call i turned around and there on the landing was a kitten. we made eye contact and she just walked up and curled up in a ball in my lap and fell asleep. i sat there with her for an hour and a half asking everyone who walked in or by if they'd seen her before and no one had which doesn't totally surprise me because there are a ton of stray cats here. anyways, she is fucking cool as hell and i think i am going to name her "calamity jane." she is the sanity i think i needed when i come home at night and am way overtired.
3. today i am officially 3 years stronger. i can even impress myself sometimes when i think about how fast that time has gone by.

current mood: tired

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Monday, December 12th, 2005
5:07 am - oh dear god
ok, so today is my the showing of my final group project for my first production class here. it is a goofy piece about a man who takes the pants back in his relationship with his wife, so what would be better to call it than "pants man"? Anyways, I also co-wrote the theme music and went absolutely apeshit with it and I think came up with a damn good song. i just bought a midi-keyboard (m-audio o-zone to be exact) and have been having a ball with it except that I'm a little scared I'm going to end up writing a lot of techno-ish type stuff because it is so easy to do and kind of fun to zone out playing. anywho, I have around 9 hours to finish all the editing which I sincerely hope won't take me that long so I can hopefully get some sleep or something. i'm at 21 hours awake and still going strong. i'm about to take a much needed break and listen to the song again. i hope the sun is rising, that would be nice to see now.

in other news, in 3 days I will be on a plane back to michigan. i am so looking forward to seeing everyone and hopefully you all are looking forward to seeing me as well. anyways, I hope all is well and i'll be seeing you soon:)

current mood: cheerful

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Thursday, December 1st, 2005
3:42 pm - hooray
TWO WEEKS AND I AM HOME! my last class is tonight and it really doesn't seem at all like this semester should be done already. This has gone by way too quickly. Ah well, one down and 5 more to go before I am done here. Insanity, absolute insanity.

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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
7:24 pm - hey hey
sorry but it has been a while since i've updated. my asshole friends finally got me to go onto myspace so you can look for me with the same username as this livejournal. i've had to watch a bunch of movies i hadn't seen in a while for a project due on tuesday. i have to critique 4 movies, 1 tv show and 1 documentary to fit into six categories of sound, art design, editing, cinematography, producing and directing. the catch is that the movie has to have been nominated for best picture AND also in the category of which you are critiquing it the tv show for an emmy for best drama or comedy and the documentary just had to be nominated for a best doc. here is my list:

cinematography: American Beauty
Sound: speaking in strings or buena vista social club (both are documentaries)
Editing: As good as it gets
Producing: Six Feet Under (season 1, episode 1)
art design: apocaplyse now
directing: good will hunting

anyways, i just found out that conrad hall, who shot american beauty, also did cool hand luke and searching for bobby fischer. i should really look at this thing more thoroughly. then maybe people here will take me seriously.

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Friday, November 11th, 2005
2:31 pm - man oh man
in 9 days i will be watching hella open up for dillinger.....could life get a whole lot better than that?

haven't heard hella yet?
go to this website: http://www.hellaband.com/#
now click on the paper airplane and watch a video.

keith got some michigan girl to start talking to me who seems very nice. i believe a good amount of you actually know her as krista. she says she may come to see hella and dillinger just to people watch because she doesn't care for the music. either way, i think it should be a fun show.

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Thursday, November 10th, 2005
9:28 am
Who’s going the right way down a wrong way street?
Who’s making a mistake each time our mouths meet?
You’re smart and kind and easy on my eyes.
I know it feels good, that’s why we shouldn’t tonight.
Who’s waiting for answers from a boy who can’t speak?
Will be holding their breath until their blue in the cheeks.
You’re smart and kind and you’re too easy on my eyes.
I know it feels good, so good, we should tonight.
Cause maybe my mom’s right,
good deeds won’t save us, just true faith in Jesus.
So in the name of her lord lets do what we shouldn’t some more.

current mood: contemplative

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Sunday, November 6th, 2005
4:39 pm - oh ya!
and then there was this at the end of the week. the state news, michigan state's newspaper, wrote up an article about the talking dryer I helped to design and build for my last semester as an undergraduate. here is a link if you are at all interested:

http://www.statenews.com/article.phtml?pk=32924

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Friday, November 4th, 2005
1:19 pm - good week
i finally got my last personal project done for my production class thank god! now i only have one group project left to do but that will be easy because I won't be in charge of everything like I was the last 4 times i did stuff. the piece i did was about a woman who overcomes an abusive relationship. anyways, it is really crazy because it went over really really well. well enough that my professor, you can look him up on imdb.com (Jerry Isenberg), wants her name and wants to help her get representation out here which is awesome. she was just this really sweet girl from ohio who had the most innocent looking eyes when she cried, so i chose her. jerry than stopped to talk to me after class about him wanting to find out the legwork that was needed to be done to get it sent out to festivals and things, or at the very least shelters or places where women who actually need to see these kinds of things will see them and hopefully make the connection to their life and getting out of it (which was honestly the whole reason i wanted to do the piece, i was hoping that it would be good enough to want to be shown to women in that situation as a guide of sorts). so ya, how insane is that happening? i really have no idea what to think about it other than i'm proud and really flattered at the attention i've gotten since then. really odd honestly.

ok that is weird, i just looked on imdb.com and didn't see him. he was a producer in television for i think around 15 years on one of the big three networks. he has owned two of his own production companies and is very wealthy from them. he doesn't really need to work, he just enjoys teaching.

later that night i finally got to see some live bands play since keith and i saw the one a.m. radio literally the first night i was in town. i got to see bella lea and tristeza play at a place in costa mesa literally called, "the detroit bar," which i thought was funny/inviting for obvious reasons. god, they were both so good, just like when i saw them at mac's on two different nights in the last year. i really need to start playing with people again, i really really do. oh, and without a doubt i would marry either maura from bella lea or the female guitar player in tristeza. god, the tristeza girl has her sleeves fully done with tattoos and the music they play is so unbelievable. i need to meet a nice/sweet/funny female musician and then marry her. i would love to have someone to play with on a long term scale like that.

last night i went and saw david lynch speak on campus. it was kind of weird, he didn't do a speech he basically talked a lot about meditation and world peace. a lot of people got up to ask questions and regardless of whether they were film or meditation related 80% of them started the question with the statement, "i just wanted to thank you for your great artwork over the years, but especially for mulholland dr. i want to thank you for that because it completely changed my view of the world around me....." or something along those lines. he also had two guys with ph.d's there talking about the benefits of meditation and what it can do for you in the long run, and also how it can help lead to world peace. i like their ideas don't get me wrong, but it all just seemed to "hippy" for me though he did on three occasions bluntly say drugs don't help expand your consciousness, only meditation can do it for you.

ok, i'm out of here. these is a gallery on campus i've been wanting to go to and now that i have some free time i can finally do it. man do i wish i had a female to join me.....

current mood: calm

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