don't promise anything, unless you give everything (phlogiston20) wrote,
don't promise anything, unless you give everything
phlogiston20
  • Mood: numb
  • Music: damien jurado: montesano

....in other news

i'm still such a fucking mess about this girl. i correctly guessed her birthday on my first guess i found out, and then she told me it was wrong and i believed her. i tried to give her, her present the night before but didn't end up getting it to her until two days after. not that i knew it was that day anyways. she called me and thanked me again and again and told me how sweet i was after she found the gift. later that day she gives me a thank you card with a really nice note in it. in what she wrote she said my genuine kindness made her cry. and also that she isn't sure she really deserves it. she also took the gift i gave her, paint and paint brushes, and painted a picture of my cat and i on the inside of the card. when i saw and looked at that i cried. that was a week ago now. no real contact with her since except to talk about our class project. seriously though, i am crying now, one month after the fact, more than i was then. it is really draining how much i miss her.

also, ten hours of editing work that i did this weekend got lost. everyone who knows everything about this program and the computers i was working on was completely stumped. i had a good amount still to do. so my dialogue mix is tomorrow and i've already been working for 7 hours and i'm almost caught up to where i was before. and then i will still have a good amount to do. i TA a class tomorrow morning at 8am. i'm honestly thinking of just sleeping on the couch in the TA lounge. Hopefully someone will find me and wake me in the morning. this would also probably go a lot faster if i could stop crying.

i am so tired and upset right now. i need about the biggest 10 minute long hug a guy could get right now for starters. and of course my mind goes to her. and she does owe me a big hug because she got one from me since she ended it. i held her really tight and rubbed her back for about a minute. she burrowed into me and literally said, "this is always so comforting" with her eyes closed. i honestly don't think i'd get anything close to that right now from her. that is really upsetting to me. she has been able to do it before, but right now with the rest of the stuff in my head i'd just be suspicious and it would do no good for me.

this is the fucking circle that i am running right now. lovely huh?
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